Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

If you have been alive very long you know the story. Turtles defending the city against THE FOOT which is basically like what Lo Pan from BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA would have used for his ventures if he didn’t have the Storms, a really furry demon and a bunch of ninja chicks that will jack you up. April O’Neil (played by Megan Fox) discovers them and promptly decides to trust them based on some memories…queue the flashbacks.

The great – if you have not seen this in 3D I would suggest that. The camera angles and cinematography are freakin spectacular in portions of this film. Unlike most of what you may thing Michael Bay had almost nothing to do with this movie other than funding it. Instead we are given sometimes hit, sometimes miss director Jonathan Liebesman who only seems to let the camera fly like every other movie. I also really liked the designs on the turtles. I honestly thought they looked like garbage standing still, but in action that are pretty fun and they do display some of the personality you have seen in the comics and cartoons for the past 30 years (yes, 30 years). To close out the great stuff Megan Fox was just wonderful in this, perfect for the roll, only probably a bit too much makeup to be climbing around in sewers.

The problems - Whenever you take us to a world like this you have to not only pull the emotion bone, not just to make a great movie, you need it if you are going to try and show us something we haven’t really seen. We get a really shaky Shredder at best and although he looks great and has cool weapons, he doesn’t do anything that makes you think he is in charge of anything. He is as intimidating as the lady at the crosswalk. We do get some pretty cool fight scenes and in those Shedder is pretty cool, but we don’t hate him. He is just trying to do the same thing all villains want to do, smuggle stuff and kill big smelly turtles. Almost all of the actors aside from Megan Fox appear to have been after thoughts and Will Arnett as Vernon Fenwick is really the only one I saw even trying. We are also given some creepy moments where Valdimir from Twilight (Michelango) is hitting on April. I don’t remember that from the cartoons or movies. Anyone?

I give this one a 3 out of 7. RATING DEFINITION : JUST ALRIGHT. This is the movie you put in your BLU RAY or DVD player and watched when you are bored out of your freaking mind. You have exhausted all of your Netflix and Hulu options and now you feel like watching something that you don’t have to pay too much attention too… because if you do, you might as well just let a live raccoon loose in your house while zombies are chasing you with hot frying pans. You don’t mind the mess maybe once or twice…but after awhile you are thinking to yourself…why? Why? Why the hot frying pans?