Jurassic World

Apparently I didn't see the same movie that made $500M in it's opening weekend, and instead saw something by Micheal Bay.

Easily the worst of the four Jurassic Park movies, with cardboard two-dimensional characters that couldn't hold a candle to the earlier cast.

It was hard to not check off the by-the-numbers death scenes as they ticked by complete with Redshirt nod, and it was even harder to care about a single person who died. The possible exception being the nearly invisible assistant whose sole role seemed to be to make Howard's character even less empathetic than she did on her own.

Chris Pratt - the cardboard hero with a moral compass who saves the day, repeatedly. Oh, he was in the Navy, and that matters for some reason...but that's it.

Bryce Dallas Howard - the completely irrelevant reason to have a couple of kids in the movie, who has one scene where she saves the day without any foundation or backstory, and after which she immediately reverts to useless mopey eye candy.

Vincent D'Onfronio -  one dimensional baddie with an overlong and completely obvious death whose sole purpose seems to be to establish that there are bigger baddies in the next two movies and that the dinosaurs are destined for military applications, because no one sees *that* ending badly.

John Hammond II - no, I'm kidding, but his spirit sort of lives on in the only person I could muster even the slightest concern over, Irrfan Khan. I would have rather seen him live in exchange for any...or even most...of the rest of the cast. Lost sequel opportunity there.

The obligatory 'two kids in the Jurassic Park movie' - 'insert a teenager and younger brother from central casting here'. Sadly, instead of actual dinosaur geeks, we have an ADD kid who spouts random science, and a cranky teen. Apparently the kid's parents are getting a divorce, and this somehow matters enough to feature in several scenes without going anywhere.

Monsters, monsters, monsters. Although if you're surprised by anything, including the supposed 'twists', then you're likely new to Jurassic Park and really should watch the other movies first. Once you have, there shouldn't be any surprises here. Humans are stupid, mess with dino DNA, and get eaten.

In short, if you want to switch off for a couple of hours, this won't tax your brain as you drive a T-Rex through the plot holes and continuity errors...but if you're looking for something that lives up to the Jurassic Park legacy...you're better off revisiting the originals.

Unfortunately,  we can expect more of this in the next two instalments of Micheal Bay Does Dinosaurs.

The Avengers: Age of Ultron

The movie jumps straight into the action, opening with a full-blown assault on Baron Strucker's Hydra stronghold to recapture Loki's Sceptre. That money shot from the trailer, with the Can-Can Line of Avengers leaping through the snow? That's about five minutes into the film, and the pace is pretty much set from there.

Another scene we saw a while ago was the party scene where everyone tries to pick up Mjolnir. What seemed like a bit of light fun before Ultron revealed himself was actually more important than expected in the grand scheme of things. The one problem with this scene; where are the girls? Pepper Pots and Jane Foster are both conspicuously absent, with some fairly weak excuses from Tony and Thor. Oh well. You can't have everyone I suppose.

The relationship between Widow and Hulk has developed to an interesting level. Natasha is responsible for giving The Hulk his "lullaby", but could there be more than that, or as Bruce says, does she just like to flirt?

Speaking of Black Widow, we get to learn more about her and the Red Room, which adds a touch of tragic depth to her. Hawkeye is also epically good at keeping secrets. Let's just say that farm The Avengers end up at is hiding a BIG secret.

We start to see the cracks between Captain America and Iron Man, as Tony forges ahead with doing what he thinks is necessary to bring about a safe and secure world. Cap, it seems, would rather they do things the old fashioned way. I'm not sure how this will feed in to Civil War, and they seemed rather amicable at the close of the film.

Both Widow's backstory and the impetus for the tension between Cap and Tony come from Scarlet Witch's mind powers. Thor also succumbs, but his vision is more revelatory, and is clearly our link to the Infinity War story.

The other vision I should talk about is the android one. Vision is spectacularly realised and he just looks so cool. His origin is not what some early leaked biography text implied, and is closer to his classic origin. That said, the way he was made has me fearing for his safety come the Infinity War.

Now there were a couple of rumours about this movie that is like to address. First up, that someone will die. This is true. It's not who I was expecting, but it was beautifully heroic. Second, that there was no post-credit scene. This is also true. Of course there is a mid-credit scene, so make sure you stay for that. And what a scene! It was no longer than 15 seconds and contained only five words of dialogue, but man! Never have five words been so loaded with promise since "Star Wars prequel trilogy announced". I'm sure this'll end better though.

Kickstarter/Indiegogo Spotlight: Hades Awaits

This week's feature is switching gears up again and taking a look at a cool new film project, Hades Awaits.  Not only is the premise of a mysterious western awesome, but they have a great cast in their sights.  There's a lot of great people working on this, so head on over to their Indiegogo page to give them a hand.

Birdman Review

After a seriously false start yesterday, I ended up in the theatre. I had missed my first two choices in movies so I went with a random choice that the couple behind me in line were going to see. Having never even heard of the movie, it's fair to say that I had zero expectations. For those that know me, I did confirm that this wasn't a horror movie because with a title like that, one never knows.

According to IMDB, the movie is about:

" A washed up actor, who once played an iconic superhero, battles his ego and attempts to recover his family, his career and himself in the days leading up to the opening of a Broadway play."

The movie starts Michael Keaton, who I honestly haven't seen in anything in ages. I know that he's done quite a bit, but I just haven't seen it. No fault to the poor actor that I can't manage to get out more.  When I first realized who the actor was and that the premise involved him playing an iconic superhero who then goes on to lesser things after retiring the role, I wondered how much of the film was autobiographical. I mean, c'mon...Birdman...Batman...it's not much of a stretch.

In fact, the role seemed a little too real, so this morning, I hit up Wikipedia to double check that the man had a career after Batman.  Turns out, he hasn't done any Broadway work, his career may have peaked, but he hasn't been out of work and this whole connection is just him poking fun at his past role. Whew! My research also showed me that this movie has been nominated for about eleventy billion awards. In fact, Mr. Keaton actually won a Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy or Musical. This is where I get confused.

When I saw this movie yesterday, the theatre was actually full of old people. No, seriously, I was probably one of five people under the age of near 70. Watching it, I don't recall more than a single chuckle throughout.  So, how this movie ended up the Comedy section baffles me. It's just not a comedy and it most certainly isn't a musical. Comedies should make people laugh and musicals ...well, they should be musical.

This movie is drama all the way. It's a serious story of how we let go of one thing because it's come to define us, just to discover that the struggle to find a new identity is a real one. The cast for this movie does a brilliant job with their roles, but by the end of the movie, I was wondering what time it was. The movie just seemed to drag and for once, I didn't stick around for the credits. Those who know me, especially my long suffering children, know that I always stick around for the credits. They fascinate me. I also feel that if these people took their time to put together what I just enjoyed, they deserve for me to see their name.

Walking out into the snow, slush, and cold, I could only think, "Well, I would have paid $5 for this, but I wouldn't pay $8.50." The story was good, but not great. The actors were very good in their roles, but could have been amazing if given the opportunity. Overall, this is a movie that I don't regret seeing, but it's not making my "Omg, I have to have this on the shelf list."

Seventh Son (2015)

Saw this one Saturday night and I wasn’t disappointed. The story revolves around a Spook (basically a Seventh Son of a Seventh Son that fights evil) who takes on a new apprentice named Tom. Together they must take down Mother Malkin  (played to perfection by Julianne Moore). They do a really good job of giving us a enough of her and her sister to make us care the fate of Alice (played by Alicia Vikander). The special effects in this thing are just freakin over the top awesome. I found myself regretting I didn’t see it in 3D. The secondary characters and cinematography are superb, but Jeff Bridges as the Spook nails it in his role. If you know how much I can’t stand Jeff Bridges, then you know that it takes a lot for me to say something like that. For fantasy fans this movie is a bit of a dream come true, with strong female characters and fantastic looking creatures. For me this is what CONAN a few years ago should have been.

On the downside, I will say they didn’t give any time for the love story to develop and because of that I was actually more intrigued by the Spook’s back story. I also could have used another few hours of this, like I really wish they would have done this over a 3 movie spread.  Unless you are really into this genre, this movie may not be for you. I will say sadly I see this suffering the same fate as other cool stories that failed to hit the “epic” button. The audience I saw it with all seemed pleasantly surprised and there are just enough humorous moments to keep the pacing just about perfect because they were getting so much in to just an hour and 40 minutes. Having said that I will be buying this, it is a movie I’d watch over and over.

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The Maze Runner (2014)

A new kid gets served up to another group of kids trapped basically in a giant field surrounded by a moving maze. When I first saw the trailer for this with the cool looking maze, great looking creatures chasing these kids and a pretty cool idea, I wanted to see this pretty bad. Unfortunately there is very little about the actual movie that intrigued me at all. I don’t want to give too much away but I have zero plans to see any future installments in this series (I do reserve the right to change my mind). I will say the effects are decent and the acting especially from Will Poulter is pretty solid. 

It’s pretty rare that I walk into something with so much anticipation and wind up bummed out that I even got it from RED BOX, but here you have it. Kaya Scodelario was another bright spot. Her fans will be happy to hear that she is in the next PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN movie. If it is anything like ON STRANGER TIDES it should be freakin epic. I thought ON STRANGER TIDES was the best installment in the series. Anyway…wait…oh yeah, I was doing a review I guess. So yeah, good acting, terrible story.

There is just not much going on here that I found matched up to what I expected. If you have to see this thing, wait for the NETFLIX stream or just head over to RED BOX. I wouldn’t bother buying it unless you read the book and just really love it for some reason that I didn’t.  I give this movie a 3 out of 7.

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Automata (2014)

This is a film by Gabe Ibanez starring Antonio Banderas in what might be his best role since OUTRAGE. We also get a bit of Melanie Griffith and Dylan McDermott for good measure. There is also a really solid performance by Birgitte Hjort Sorensen as Bandera’s wife Rachel. The storyline revolves around a slowly burning world where robots called Automata’s are created to fight “the desert”. The plan is a failure and the Automata’s are basically discarded as outcasts of society. Much like most future robots they are given directives. One of the directives is they can’t harm man (ie I ROBOT), and that they cannot alter themselves. An insurance agent that works for the company that makes them (Banderas) stumbles upon an incident where one of the Automata’s has been shot after being seen repairing itself. Of course his wife is about to have a baby and now everything is going to be all jacked up. The budget here isn’t over the top but the direction is solid and some gripping and sometimes compelling dialog propels this into the sci-fi “umm, you had better check this thing out” zone.

Good news for Banderas fans, it looks like he’s already got some 2015 stuff in the works and you can catch Birgitte Hjort Sorensen in PITCH PERFECT 2. Like with a lot of these types of films there are some wonky ideas introduced but ultimately this is an interesting take on the “robots are going to take over the future” sci –fi awesomeness. Kinda wish the premise was a bit more original here, but it’s worth a 5 out of 7.

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Sin City 2: A Dame to Kill For (2014)

It’s been 9 years since Frank Miller’s last installment of SIN CITY, which unfortunately may have been a bit too long for most fans. Why there is something to be said about the stylistic mostly black, gray and red approach to this, it honestly felt like this one almost had too much color. Yeah I know, I never thought I’d say that either.

Anyway, Jessica Alba is back in form and Eva Green is a dynamic addition to the storyline but there isn’t enough division in the individual stories for the connection between them all to really ever pay off. Bruce Willis creeps into this flick but overall we might have been better off without the flashbacks and Nancy (Jessica Alba’s character) just completely falling apart. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a nice addition but his character was a bit too bold for this world especially given the ease with which his butt was kicked. My only casting issue was that they didn’t bother getting Devon Aoki back for the role of Miho, but it is possible they couldn’t. I don’t think she’s been acting in anything since 2009. By the way, I have nothing against Jamie Chung at all, it’s just that if you are grabbing the same core cast, why not grab the original Miho.

Anyway, after a 9 year wait I feel like this could have been so much more. Or maybe the nostalgia has worn off. When you have been shot six times, sliced half in half and even your will to get up and pound some face in, is missing. Well then you know, it’s gone take a dame like that. You know…one of those dame’s you’d kill for. I give SIN CITY 2 a 5 out of 7. If you liked the original don’t expect that, but still worthy of your Frank Miller collection.

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The Machine (2013)

There were several sci-fi movies that came out in 2013 now cropping up on NETFLIX and other platforms. One of the most critically acclaimed was THE MACHINE. In this one an inventor is screening people for intelligence and being able to make better machines because his daughter is dying. The idea here is to either find a cure or find a way to get her brain into a machine. So you know…this is sci-fi and the machine or robot is getting the nod. Only of course we have an evil head of a company that wants to turn his latest invention into a killing machine. In the course of this film it really is hard to figure out who the heck we are supposed to be rooting for. The robots are going to be the future, man is the past, but we kind feel sorry for the robots…it’s basically stressing me out. We do have some really good news though. Black Canary from ARROW is in this thing and she’s basically the reason this movie really goes anywhere.

Toby Stephens (BLACK SAILS) does a pretty standard job as the complex and often arrogant and unlikable inventor Vincent. This movie isn’t without its action and its share of philosophical challenges but ultimately it’s nothing we haven’t seen ala I ROBOT or TERMINATOR SALVATION.  Overall I have to give this one a decent score for Caity Lotz performance but don’t go running to the nearest NETFLIX account to see what all the fuss is about. If you watch it expecting a masterpiece, you will likely be disappointed.

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The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies (2014)

I think I can safely say this was the finale of the first book that the series deserved. As a person not all that concerned with “movies following the books” all I really wanted was something close to the spirit of the book and that is what we got. If there was one thing I would have skipped it was the high frame rate that Peter Jackson wanted this shot in. At least for the first 20 minutes or so the scenes shot in the village almost made you feel like you were in the set…like on a studio set, not in the village. It was kind of strange. After that the movie balanced out and we are put on a cliffhanging ride into and out of madness, that only Wingnut Films can provide.

In this one the stronger performances were put on by Martin Freeman, Evangeline Lily, Lee Pace and Richard Armitage as Thorin, but don’t be confused, there were a ridiculous amount of excellent efforts made in this. I won’t spend too much time on the plot, but I did spend a lot of time in the theater trying to figure out who exactly made up the “five armies” represented. I don’t know if for me this was as mind blowing as THE BATTLE OF HELMS DEEP, but it was way up there.

Cinematically and effects wise, it doesn’t really get any better than this series as a whole, but even that in some cases here was better than I have ever seen.  Giving this any less than a 7 out of 7 seems like an injustice.

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Top 10 Actors of 2014

Birdman..or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance (2014)

Part of the attraction for me concerning this movie was the effects we see in the preview. There are not many super hero movies I won’t give a chance. The more I found out about this movie the more I was able to conclude that this really wasn’t about a hero, it was about the end of one. I don’t want to give too much away but this film stretches beyond clichés and norms and gives us gritty often hard to swallow performances. Micheal Keaton is by a long shot the best I have ever seen him and Emma Stone not only gets rid of doubt about her ability to act, but freakin demolishes it. Naomi Watts I have been a fan off for some time now does a great job as well. This movie does make you feel like you are one of the camera men on the set throughout most of its running time.

Having said all that, this film is not for everyone and comes off a bit too artsy for my taste. I don’t know if I would buy it, but I could see myself re-watching it as a reminder of what being stretched to the edge could look like on the set of a play. Don’t go in expecting a ton of full blown action, in fact this might be one of the most dialog driven movies I’ve seen since Pontypool. Overall the acting alone deserves at least a 6 out of 7. For plot, dialog and setting I have to give it a 5.

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The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

In this one we get our first real glimpse of the much whispered about District 13. The Capital has taken harsh measures against all the districts but 12 is now decimated. President Coin convinces Katniss to do a series of infomercials to try and drum up a full blown rebellion against President Snow (seriously, it’s like the writer found a coin in the snow and decided… “oh cool, these are going to be the names of the Presidents in my book.” Anyway, Katniss sucks at acting so she decides to go into the field and see what’s been going on herself. Overall this film not only carries the weight of the other 2 films but it brings us all to the start of the series inevitable “let’s fight” conclusion.

There is nothing I didn’t love about this thing but it does feel a bit like not much is happening till about the last 45 minutes or so. Jennifer Lawrence is once again better than superb in her role and I was pleasantly surprised by Natalie Dormer (CAPTAIN AMERICA : THE FIRST AVENGER) as Cressida and felt it was a wise casting choice to give her more screen time. I do however wish we could get at least one new film from Julianne Moore where her hair is just totally jacked and gray lookin. Overall after the first two films and a connection with the characters I felt this one did the best job at tugging at the heart strings. With a cool blend of action and drama and moderate layers of cinematic know how, this is a must see a soon as you can. Also like always remember – this is the movie based on the book. It is not the book. I haven’t read the book…so  you know….I couldn't care less if they match. This one’s has a few surprises as well.

Big Hero 6

It’s been a long time since I reviewed a Disney flick. I think the last one was FROZEN and I have to say I liked this one better. BIG HERO 6 is about a young genius named Hiro whose self relegated to robot fighting his creations. His brother is also (not shockingly a genius who introduces Hiro to his other genius friends). So what we have here is a lot of genius’s flying around….great. So after feeling disconnected from every character in the movie “bam”, Disney does it again and hooks you in with some great emotional story line and cool twists that really bring this thing to life. Hiro and his friends are pitted against some pretty cool but potentially dark tech that Hiro himself came up with. That is about as far as I will go with the plot, but there are a few over the top things here.

The first thing I noticed was the attention to detail. This movie made me want to visit San Francisco for the first time in my life. If anything I wish they would have taken time on letting the audience see some of those frames and all the work that went into them. For FROZEN fans there is no music from the characters, it’s a lot more like THE INCREDIBLES than anything we’ve seen. I do wish they would have gone into a bit more development with the secondary characters but they do make up for a lot of this by giving us a very lovable robot to take center stage known as Baymax. Overall BIG HERO 6 gave me more than I expected and this is yet another more than welcome addition to the Disney lineup. 3D on this one is not a necessity and I do believe it will translate to your HD TV just fine if you decide to wait and rent or buy it.

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Kickstarter/Indiegogo Spotlight: Mini Flux Capacitor - Back To The Future Collectible

This week's feature project is one of those you have to appreciate for the pure geeky value of it.  The majority of us (hopefully) know and love the Back to the Future trilogy.  Now you can display or even carry around a little way to show it with the Mini Flux Capacitor - Back To The Future Collectible.  To find out more about this great new piece of fandom, speed on over to the Kickstarter before time runs out.

Expectation Vs. Reality: Tusk

Expectation

Sometime around last June, I was catching up on my podcasts and I listened to Smodcast Episode 259, "The Walrus & The Carpenter" where Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier riff off of a Gumtree article (a community and classified ad website) where a man was willing to offer free room and board in exchange for the tenant dressing up and acting like a walrus. Kevin took the story and gave it a twisted, horror-movie feel.

"Why isn't anyone making this movie?!" he wondered throughout the podcast.  Eventually, he came to the only logical conclusion:

"*I* can make this movie!"

So, being the social media mogul he is, he put it to his Twitter followers.  If they wanted to see the movie made, simply tweet with the hashtag #WalrusYes, if it's dumb and Kevin should leave it alone, #WalrusNo. The results were pretty astounding: nearly all said #WalrusYes, myself included.

This sounds like a wonderful addition to Kevin Smith's venture into horror/thriller/suspense.  The premise of the movie being that Wallace (Justin Long) is drugged and held in Manitoba, Canada by an insane recluse, Howard Howe (Michael Parks) hell-bent on surgically altering Wallace to resemble Howe's most beloved companion from his past: a walrus named Mr. Tusk. I was delighted by Red State, so I was looking for something new to add to my collection.

Reality

I won't bury the lead here: I was pretty disappointed on a lot of factors with this movie.

I'll be honest, the movie started much like any standard horror/thriller should: light and airy with the ominousness slowly building, however, it was the equivalent of someone telling a decently scary story and ending with a joke. In the 3rd act, when we get introduced to Guy LaPointe (Johnny Depp), an alcoholic ex-cop who has been hunting Howard for years, this is where the movie's momentum slammed to a screeching halt for me.  I'm not sure what Smith or Depp were going for with this character, but it truly fell way short of my expectations. He was marginally oaf-ish (perhaps due to alcoholism), but not to an Inspector-Clouseau-level.  He was clearly capable of handling the detective work necessary to catch Howard.

LaPointe's ramblings bored me and made me stop caring what was going on in the movie, which is saying something because I absolutely *love* the monologues Smith puts into his films.  Now, Michael Parks' performance was stunning and I hung on every word, *EXCEPT* the scene he and Depp shared in a flashback.  Potential "surprise" moments were telegraphed incredibly early. Smith had an opportunity for a truly Twilight Zone-Style ending and it left me wanting.  Smith would often talk at his Q & As as well as on his podcasts that he continued to "push whimsy" with this film. I always figured he meant testing the audience's suspension of disbelief, not coming two steps from playing "Yakkity Sax" during the movie's climactic 3rd act scene. The bright spot in this entire movie for me was Parks. His shining example of truly terrifying insanity was what kept me engaged long after I regretted paying full price.

I've enjoyed all of Kevin's works (including Mallrats, Jersey Girl, and Cop Out).  This is not a movie I could recommend to anyone in confidence.  This movie, being the first of what Kevin labeled the "True North Trilogy", I'm not so sure I can bring myself to watch the other two: Yoga Hosers and MooseJaws, the former centered around Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp's convenience store characters from Tusk and the latter simply being "Jaws, but with a moose". Especially since Johnny Depp's Guy LaPointe character is going to play a more pivotal role in Yoga Hosers.

It's possible I went in with the wrong frame of mind: expecting something truly suspenseful when the best I would get was a madcap, B-movie romp.  I may end up giving this movie another shot with a different mindset in the future, or I may just accept the fact that Kevin Smith can't deliver something I'll enjoy at every opportunity.

I'll leave you with a bright note,  it takes more than one "bad" movie for me to dislike someone's future filmography and the (arguable) success of Tusk has allowed Smith to fund Clerks III, which I still intend on seeing. I don't regret seeing Tusk, I just regret paying full price and not being better prepared for Smith's definition of "pushing whimsy".

Thanks for reading,

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

If you have been alive very long you know the story. Turtles defending the city against THE FOOT which is basically like what Lo Pan from BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA would have used for his ventures if he didn’t have the Storms, a really furry demon and a bunch of ninja chicks that will jack you up. April O’Neil (played by Megan Fox) discovers them and promptly decides to trust them based on some memories…queue the flashbacks.

The great – if you have not seen this in 3D I would suggest that. The camera angles and cinematography are freakin spectacular in portions of this film. Unlike most of what you may thing Michael Bay had almost nothing to do with this movie other than funding it. Instead we are given sometimes hit, sometimes miss director Jonathan Liebesman who only seems to let the camera fly like every other movie. I also really liked the designs on the turtles. I honestly thought they looked like garbage standing still, but in action that are pretty fun and they do display some of the personality you have seen in the comics and cartoons for the past 30 years (yes, 30 years). To close out the great stuff Megan Fox was just wonderful in this, perfect for the roll, only probably a bit too much makeup to be climbing around in sewers.

The problems - Whenever you take us to a world like this you have to not only pull the emotion bone, not just to make a great movie, you need it if you are going to try and show us something we haven’t really seen. We get a really shaky Shredder at best and although he looks great and has cool weapons, he doesn’t do anything that makes you think he is in charge of anything. He is as intimidating as the lady at the crosswalk. We do get some pretty cool fight scenes and in those Shedder is pretty cool, but we don’t hate him. He is just trying to do the same thing all villains want to do, smuggle stuff and kill big smelly turtles. Almost all of the actors aside from Megan Fox appear to have been after thoughts and Will Arnett as Vernon Fenwick is really the only one I saw even trying. We are also given some creepy moments where Valdimir from Twilight (Michelango) is hitting on April. I don’t remember that from the cartoons or movies. Anyone?

I give this one a 3 out of 7. RATING DEFINITION : JUST ALRIGHT. This is the movie you put in your BLU RAY or DVD player and watched when you are bored out of your freaking mind. You have exhausted all of your Netflix and Hulu options and now you feel like watching something that you don’t have to pay too much attention too… because if you do, you might as well just let a live raccoon loose in your house while zombies are chasing you with hot frying pans. You don’t mind the mess maybe once or twice…but after awhile you are thinking to yourself…why? Why? Why the hot frying pans?